So, first things first: My puppy is cute. :D I was sleeping on my side this morning and my puppy was curled up on his side using my arm as a pillow. I suddenly decided I wanted to roll over onto my back to stretch a bit, then relaxed. My little guy did the same exact thing. Still using my arm as a pillow, he flipped over onto his back, did a little stretch, then settled onto his back with his little head on my arm. SO CUTE, the little guy mimicking his mommy.
Moving on: Early this morning I had an epiphany about why 'grown-ups' go to bed earlier than all the younger lads and lasses. It was when my faux child had an accident. I randomly woke up and heard her crying/talking to herself. I thought she might just be having a nightmare or working through something in her head so I had determined to let her work through whatever it was on her own unless she came to me. After a while I noticed the sound still persisted. I went to her room to see her sitting up in bed and asked her what was wrong. She'd had an accident. I got her out of bed, put her in the bath, scrounged up a change of clothes, removed the sheets, put her back to bed on the couch (since the actual bed got wet and I was not in the mood to steam vac it at the moment), then sent a text to my husband to notify him of the small one sleeping on the couch. The text occurred at 0444. I laid awake until the hubby got home and until after he fell asleep, which was sometime after 0540, since he had to finish work, drive home, drag the mattress outside (it was too heavy for me to take out or even just flip over--not a normal mattress), and get ready for bed. Then her real mother came to pick her up earlier than my alarm went off, and I laid in bed awake some more. So the moral of this story is that 'grown-ups' go to bed ridiculously early (thus achieving their 'boring' and 'party pooper' statuses) to compensate for the time that they already know that they will loose during the night when they have to tend to their messy, sleepless, wandering, or distraught little ones. I'm a genius, I know. You may thank me later when you have children of your own and you are one of the few who gets a full nights rest because you, too, begin your boring life of going to bed early.
For weeks I've been listening to this song over and over again, I just can't get enough of it! (Thankfully for the others I work with I don't play my music loud enough for them to hear!) It is the perfect song for Lovers who are dedicated to getting through opposition together! It is a song which speaks to me and says that there's no need to give up. When you find someone who loves you as much as you love them, and makes the effort to help you keep that feeling, it is worth holding on to. I believe that a man and a woman can be together forever and a big part of it is picking a person who believes that, too. Find someone you know is dedicated to you and to whom you want to be dedicated.
Of Course love isn't perfect, but it is wonderful! There's a part in the song that goes:
"Some days I don't feel like trying
Some days you know I wanna just give up
When it doesn't matter who's right
Fight about it all night
Had enough, you give me that look
I'm sorry baby let's make up
You do that thing that makes me laugh
And just like that..."
It doesn't take much for two dedicated people to keep the love alive. It takes a mix of humility, knowing who the person you love is and what makes them tick, and doing what you can to be a person worth loving. You don't need to be perfect to make love last--you need to care.
Obviously I feel the need to add a disclaimer that obviously both parties need to care, but I'm not going to babble about every possible situation. Obviously life is life and the possible situations and their possible outcomes are pretty much infinite and dependent on a lot of outside factors... But right now I don't care. Right now this blog is about me, and the difference love makes in my life and shaping who I am. I get to be in love and to be loved in return, and I choose to continue to love when things are rough. I decide to be receptive when the one I love humbles himself in front of me and forgive him as I know he will me. I want to feel his love and I want to be 'pulled right back in' because it feels good! I WANT to feel like that! I'm not going to make him work too hard for my love because then the relationship is a game, not a partnership. How can I expect to feel passion and desire from the one I love if I'm too stubborn and arrogant to let him love me?! God knows I'm a stubborn woman and I am grateful he sent me a patient man!
I have been pondering lately about what I will need to do to be sure I am truly prepared for the family I will have someday. One of the things that came to mind, as I have been making the effort to do so more regularly, was studying the scripture singularly and with my family. Additionally gracing my thoughts, Family Home Evening, family prayer, and what and how I will really need teach my family to help us to remain together and strong.
One of the scripture verses I read today is as follows:
"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." --Helaman 5:12 in the Book of Mormon.
We need to be strong and know where we stand individually as well as with the Lord. We need to know that life is hard and do all that we can to be ready to fight the battles we will face.
The next thought which was impressed upon me was after reading the story of a man who was suddenly killed leaving behind a wife and seven children, the youngest a mere 5 years of age. Do we as parents, teachers, or associates regularly express those beliefs which are important to us and our salvation? Would those we love and care about know what we stood for long into the rest of their lives, should something so tragic happen to us? I have always heard that you must build good habits in your family while your children are still young so that they will internalize the truths which you have to share, but I have never thought of it in such a manner which has impacted me the way this story has. Yes, you want your children to hear good things when they're little, but what happens if somehow you are suddenly taken away? It doesn't work to say, "I was going to wait until they got older, could understand better.." You must take the time now or it may not be there when you think they're ready. We need to set a proper example of doing what's right while our families are young (FHE, prayer, scripture study...) so they will remember, in times of need, our words of wisdom and to whom they may turn for strength.
...or do they not teach kids to read in school anymore? Because it seems like they stopped teaching kids to read a few years after I cycled through Kindergarten. Where did I get my information, you ask? Well, many of the residents who come into the office where I work have questions that are regarding information in their contract that they signed their agreement to before they picked up their first key, and they have questions on information that was clearly in their move-in packet when they picked up their first key, much of it which is duplicated from the website's Housing Guidelines and the contract they signed before they came to pick up said move-in packet. These people are generally about 2-4 years younger than me, so is it safe to assume that they stopped teaching kids to read when I was in about 4th or 5th grade? I'm not sure, but it just seems like that. Hopefully I'm wrong, because I would sure like help supplementing my home teaching when I'm sending my kids to school.
Anybody who knows what my husband's schedule is like on Sunday knows that it is generally an exhausting day. Today, however, was an extraordinarily rough one. He worked, as usual, last night with the knowledge that he will work again tonight with 3 hours of Sunday School Nursery sandwiched in between. Things seemed to be going okay for the first hour. We had play and snack time without much incident and we only had 7 kids, as opposed to our usual 12, with a total of 4 teachers. The first thing that went wrong was a little girl somehow getting in a weird position and moderately squishing her tiny fingers in a tiny folding chair. We washed her fingers in cold water, dried them off, ran into mommy, got her a happy candy, then were back to class. Then the major event of the day hit--literally; a stationary cupboard hit a kid that is. Hard, and right on the nose. And why did this happen, you ask? Another little boy non-maliciously sent him in motion toward it. Well of course the first little boy started screaming. Zach rushed over to comfort him, telling him it was okay. Just then I saw a trickle of blood on one of Zach's lower hands. The kid looked fine in the few seconds that I saw him, so I wanted to know where it was coming from. Half a second later I had my answer: Zach noticed something felt wet and looked down at our little nursery lad. In that moment I saw that the little one's face was covered in blood, and there was an additional splattering of crimson starkly glistening in contrast to Zach's white, collared button-up. Zach rushed the child swiftly out the door to, after a short search, an awaiting mother who had heard her boy's wailing and run down from the third floor. The little one is just fine now. However, I am not sure I can say the same thing for Zach's white shirt. You never know what you're going to get with kids. The fun part was when Zach walked by the Bishop's office as a meeting was getting out. Happy 15 minutes of fame, Dear Hubby!
Is it too much to ask for a little bit of integrity? If it is one thing I can say for sure it is that my family and extended family are honest people who try to do what is right. We may not be perfect. We may get angry sometimes. We may be sloppy sometimes. We may make too much noise sometimes. However, we try to have integrity and follow laws, rules, and policies. We work in fields where we understand that there are generally reasons regulations are put into place, whether we understand their purposes or not. It is this general attitude that makes it possible for me to support my family in the decisions they make and with the things that they say. It makes me SO ANGRY when people lie about the actions or intentions of my family. I know the people that are part of my family and I know they try their best to do more than just be nice. They do more than just try to do what they think is right. They seek out what is right so that they know they are acting as they should. Why must dishonest people have a scapegoat? Why do they feel the need to lie about stupid things? If it is something you may have misunderstood about a policy that can be worked out, don't blame your actions on someone else! Just try to have your own integrity and things will generally work out okay! When you are a good person and you make a mistake and every knows that you are a good person, it is more likely others will work with you to simply make sure things are right and that you know the correct way to act in the future. It's not like you're going to get sent to jail or get fired over making a mistake that didn't affect the safety of others or threaten anyone's life. Just tell the truth! Don't slander the names of the people who try to make your life better by doing their job or doing what is right!
I LOVE training workshops! Call me a nerd, but I love to go and learn about procedures and other people perspectives on performing various functions. Today and yesterday I had the opportunity, through work, to go through a training workshop called "Supervisor Basics". While on paper I'm not anybody's actual supervisor I have been wanting to take this class for YEARS and just haven't have the opportunity to do it. There's always been a problem with having someone scheduled for the front desk, all the other managers being out of town on those dates, or something of similar natures that would prevent me from partaking of the desired training. This week was not the case!
...when I said that tap would probably be the most difficult class I had this semester. The fact that I had to drop my other classes aside, I have never taken a harder class at BYU. This is saying something. Tap has always been difficult for me but I have NEVER felt so out of my element or so behind all the others in my classes. I haven't always done super in every other classes, and I've gotten sub-standard grades that I'd like to give back, but even those classes have never given me such a difficult time as in my tap class. I WILL GET IT, though, even though it won't be great. I am willing to put in the time and effort and, unlike, say, American Heritage and Accounting, I instantly see the outcome of my efforts. It's not like classes where you can do all of the reading, get to a test, and realize you memorized or read the wrong things, or that the instructor didn't word anything like it was in the text. As slow as the progress goes, in tap I see an accurate portrayal of what I'm learning. You either get it or you don't. The steps are either there or they're not. The instructor's not going to throw some trick step into the dance the day of the test so you know what to expect. Choreography changes last minute during performances, but in class it doesn't have to be that way... especially when the dance steps are published in the actual text book. :) It's hard and I don't know what I'm doing compared to the other girls. I do not always know the steps, the direction I'm supposed to be facing, or the count. I'm slower than everyone else and I am stressed out a lot during class, (The standard at BYU is so high for everything compared to what I'm used to, and I just had to get in a class with a bunch of people who are faster than the norm..!) but it is still so rewarding. I know I'm progressing. I can do things that I'd never heard of before the class started that everyone else was already doing with ease. Sometimes I remember steps in across the floor combinations that others drop. I don't always execute them the best, but I'm getting better. Oh, and my tapping is actually making closer to the proper sounds! If only I could loosen up and have a bit more fun during the suckier parts of class. Oh, well. At least I kept from crying until after class was actually dismissed! :-= Oh, that I could control my emotions better. Oh, well. C'est la vie! As long as I bounce back quickly, get over being mentally blocked, and don't give up, then I will be able to make it. I'm not promising an 'A', though... or even a 'B' for that matter, but I'll try, because I love to dance! (And because I should have given up by the add/drop deadline but didn't, so it's too late to give up now! :-=)
| 1. | Khristine | |
| Khristine is the most spectacular person ever. It must have hurt god when he created her and had to let her go in the world. Khristine: Gracefullnesss, Awesomenesss, Gorgeousnesss. Nuff Saidd. Khristine: SEX | ||
| 1. | Gilson | |
| One who is encouraging, uplifting, edifying. To bolster. I was super bummed, but I got gilsoned. | ||
So I guess I'm okay with these definitions. I definitely wouldn't mind being the most spectacular person ever, gracefully able to uplift and edify. I have something to look forward to in life :-=
I don't know if I've ever shared this thought before, but on my walk today (Subway for lunch. Wahoo!) I was thinking about that topic of what people think of me. Not specifically me, but how I've heard other people say, "I don't care what people think of me," or "You shouldn't care what other people think about you." The fact of the matter is, the impression others have of you is what gets you a certain type of job (or a job period), a loan, a babysitter, friends... So while what other people think of you should not make or break who you are, it should matter somewhere inside of you. It should not matter because what other people think matters, it should matter because you want who you are to say something. Who you are should be communicable to other people. If you want your employer to give you responsibilities or praise for you character and good work, you should have character and work well.
I care about having people think well of me, be even more so I care about being the kind of person that others can think well of and that deserves the high opinions of others. It's amazing how complex the human facade is. Some people think that what we want and believe, or have faith in, if you will, is what makes us who we are. Others think that it is what we do. Others believe it is how we look. We are a compilation of so many factors! The kind of name we make for ourselves in this world is predicated on the deeds we do, the things we say, how we present ourselves, our own effort and diligence, as well as our faith and knowing who we want to be Without having an understanding of who I want to be it will be difficult for me to ever get there. If I can't portray who I want to be it will be harder for others to see my potential and help me get to where I want to be. There are so many good people in the world just waiting to be allowed to help people achieve their goals and make something of themselves. If we don't let them see who we are because we are too stubborn to believe that it matters what people think of us, then we will never fully develop into beings that can control our impact on the world around us.
We'll it's time to close before this turns into the same ol' self-reflective droning that doesn't actually accomplish anything. It's time to go put words to action. Right after lunch. :)
With the invention of facebook's "Question" function, I fear for the future of the inquisitive world. Much of research today has turned its head towards the world wide web. Most research assignments in college require that you have at least one internet siting on your bibliography amongst the required encyclopedias and hard copy research studies. However, even for those classes which require us to 'surf' the internet, instructors firmly remind us before our projects begin that those internet sources must be reputable ones. For example, world renown Medical and Psychiatric Journals or websites from industries at the forefront of research and procedures when it comes to the sciences, agriculture, etc. Even government sources because they have many experts who have participated in conducting their studies and writing up their thoroughly sought-out findings. While the question function will allow people to ask questions who might not have felt comfortable seeking out information before, but how will they learn to really get down to the nitty-gritty of it all? They'll be able to ask a question, but how will they learn to separate the fact from fiction? When you pose a question on facebook, are people going to say, "These are my credentials," so that we can more accurate in judging the merits of their commentary? Maybe, maybe not. I'm guessing many of the respondents obtain their information from "hearing it somewhere from someone a few years back" and they've never done the back research, or their friends of whoever asked the question. We're inclined to trust our friends and their knowledge, but does our loyalty make their statements correct? Who knows? I only hope that the people in the world will continue to seek out good information and fight for the accuracy and truth of it all. It's like statistics--in all information/data there is a margin of error. How great a margin are we willing to accept?
I throughout the day Saturday I thought, "What can I write about in my journal today?" and "What pearls of wisdom do I have to impart upon the world?" Wanna know what I came up with? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. All week I've been sleeping more than any healthy person would (funny how I've been sick since Monday evening so I have an excuse) and just doing what I have to to get by in life and on the road and to not want to kill the other drivers. So basically I had absolutely ZERO NEW OR REFRESHING THOUGHTS to share. HOW BORING! I don't like being boring. Too bad that's just how I am. :-=
So even after getting sick from drinking part of a soda I didn't make the connection until today. Maybe there is a reason I'm not obsessed with any particular type of sweet, and why I'm not the typical female with chocolate or sweets cravings--sugar makes me ill. I don't mean I'm a glutton and I eat too much and become sick to my stomach. I don't mean it ruins my teeth. I mean that it literally makes me ill, thus the throat swelling and soreness, the occasional dizziness, and the neck pain. So it's a good thing that I've never been addicted to sugar. Sure, I have my favorite candies. Sure, I like cheesecake and pie. But I really don't like cake. I don't like a cake if it's too dry or if it's tres leches. If you are my family or very close friend and you made the cake, or it's your wedding and you're staring at me waiting for me to eat it, I may take a bite. But it's no guarantee unless your name is Corinner-elly. (If Corinner-elly makes it I will always try it because it will always be yummy.) If a brownie is too sweet, get it away from me! Would I like a doughnut? Half only, please! Of course, I don't think I'd be having such an adverse reaction if I'd been putting myself to bed on time. Oh, well!
You Know You're Getting Old When...You get sick from drinking part of a bottle of pop to keep you awake at work. I mean, really? My immune system sucks so badly that I miss a day and a half of work? Because of not even a whole little bottle of POP? Yeah. Lame.
Well, life overall is good. I was depressed for a few days last week because I had to drop my Grant Writing and Stats classes, but I got to keep my tap class so I can't complain that much...even though it is the hardest of the three classes which I was signed up for. But it will probably be the best for me. By best I do not mean the most productive but it will suit my health needs the best. Dance and music have always been something I've needed for my emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Not having them seriously depresses me, more than anything else in life. The second thing I can't complain about is that I will now be forced to keep my house in order because I now have far more time to do so. It will give me a chance to finish my online classes, plan on time with my husband, and spend time with my needy and very jealous puppy.
Another good thing which has come about the past few weeks is Mindy getting on a graveyard shift. For those of you who don't know why that is a big deal or who the heck this "Mindy" person is, Mindy is the mother of my faux child, Harley. Zach & I met Mindy while they were both working at a hotel a while back. We've been watching Harley since mid to late January about 2-4 times a week, and since Mindy's schedule's been kind of crazy so has ours. Luckily Zach would be home for the few hours before I could get home and them would usually need to leave when I got there. Thank goodness for opposite schedules or it would have been difficult for Harley to have somewhere to go, but then Fall Semester came and our schedule's just wouldn't allow us to help during the week at all, and since Mindy's current employer never gave her a consistent day or shift it was sort of sucking, but during the week it usually meant Harley didn't leave until... well, past my bedtime. That equated to my not sleeping properly most of the time. However, with Graveyard shifts Harley will come at bedtime, I will put her to bed, I will go to bet myself, and we will wake up ready to start the day on time. I'm SOOOO excited! I'm going to finally get myself back on track health/sleep-wise and Harley will be on a more consistent schedule. Thank you, Mindy, for being willing to drop her off early, especially since she's started school and needs a schedule!
Well, my journal from here on out may appear to be more quantity than quality because I've made a goal to try and write 5 times a week. Hopefully I'll find a way to make them all different and insightful. I always get bored just recounting what has happened in my day. I mean, it's difficult to feel different from one day to the next about the things that happen the same way everyday. If my blog begins to grow too mundane I'll just... well,quit uhm, modify my goal. :-= I was going through some entries in an old journal (which I will NOT be putting the URL for here :-=) and I was much more expressive once upon a time. Heh...I guess getting old doesn't just make my health fail, it's made me more boring! Well, that's all for now!
Except for this: my favorite punctuation is the ellipsis, in case you hadn't yet noticed... ^^V
...eyes are the window to the soul and my eyes don't come out well in a picture, does that mean I have a crappy soul? :-=
...Peaceful and Passionate, and Stunning and Strong. It should expand the entire being of those involved. It should be Laid Back but Fierce, and always Magical. It should involve a deep connection as well as a shallow one. All dimensions of the individuals should connect to make one. Love should make you so crazy that you never want to stand still and that you are constantly evolving, an so is that Love, and so that you cannot keep silent. Lovers should love each other for who they are but want them to be their best.
Love is desiring, connecting, wanting, waiting... Kind of a mix of "Hey, Soul Sister" (Train), "Your Body Is a Wonderland" (John Mayer), "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" (Nat King Cole, Harry Connick, Jr.), "Come On Get Higher" (Matt Nathanson), "Just The Way You Are" (Bruno Mars), "If I Had You" (Adam Lambert), and "Butterfly" (Crazytown). Oh, and for kicks let's just through in "Animal" by Neon Trees, because the feeling it expresses to me is that crazy franticness that come with loving someone everyday and wanting them over and over again throughout all the insanity. There is SO MUCH music that I could throw into the mix, but these are some of the basics for me... Yes, I know there are A LOT, but it's kind of like love itself--it has so many faces!
Hmmm... If you'd asked me to put my love to music when I was younger there'd have been a lot more hard rock. Interesting. But, like I said, love evolves.
I ran across this poem today and just thought I'd post it. I was far less emotionally blocked when I wrote poetry. I was more passionate about life and those around me and better understood myself and my place in this world, even though my writing was mostly to aid in understanding the people I was close to... I pretty much stopped writing when I began to write for myself instead of to connect with other people. Every now and again I'll read something I wrote and feel disgust at how much I sucked at it and embarrassed because of all the encouragement I received from those who read EVERYTHING I wrote... I would REALLY like to try to begin writing poetry again. I have never been creative aside from that, and I think that is why I was more connected to my sense of self. There are many who write music, create their own dances, build computers, build engines, cook fabulous meals... I was never one to create, aside from my poetry. The things that I did as a performer were following someone else's direction or choreography, or following a recipe made by someone else--doing something that was unremarkable, overdone, or used before by people better and more skilled than myself. Poetry was mine and mine alone, to build emotions or create worlds that nobody could influence or change but myself.
Regarding the following poem, there is not MUCH history to it. The basic gist is that a friend was at my house and we were talking. I have NO CLUE what else we spoke about and he probably couldn't help me remember if he tried. For some reason he held up a plain sheet of blank white paper and asked what I saw in it. (Again, I have no idea what the context was...) and the poem was suddently blurted out of the shallow depths of my mind. And with nothing more to add at this time, here is the poem that sparked this post:
I see the world
in a single sheet of paper,
Memories and
the future.
A baby born,
or a life moving on;
the story,
fresh and new.
I breathe in Love,
on a single sheet of paper,
a note to those
held dear.
I view Eternity
and room for anything,
and see the world
in a single sheet of paper.
--November 28, 2001
--Falling Stars
Hopefully, with age and time, my heart can still feel the beauty and newness of the life which lies before me. My gratitude goes out to the one who provoked these thoughts because, while they may not be the most eloquent or inspirational to others, they inspire me. (That sounds narcissistic, but it should NOT be taken that way. :-=) They remind me of the way I once viewed the world, and how I can again. They remind me that even the most fleeting of interactions can change the heart and mold the soul. They show me that inspiration can be found in anyone or anything if we leave our hearts open to the tendrils of creativity and love which crawl gently through the cracks in our minds.
Hey, there! I don't normally do fluff posts, and wandered towards my LiveJournal and found this randomly populating thing that I did once upon a time and thought I'd post it here for kicks. Maybe trying to change my overly serious image? ^_~
Your name is... Khristine
Your kiss is... erotic
Your hugs are... warm
Your eyes... sparkle like the stars
Your touch is... irresistable
Your smell is... refreshing
Your smile is... encouraging
Your love is... everlasting
I hope I have the passion I once had to make these things be true. I'm outtie!
