Falling Stars

I normally don't borrow blogs but every now and again I take it upon myself to peruse someone else's.  Welcome to Hyperbole and a Half.  This is exactly what I think would happen to my puppy if he escaped and somehow managed to avoid getting run over by a car:  http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/04/wild-animal-simple-dog-goes-for-joy.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Hyperbole-and-a-half+%28Hyperbole-And-A-Half%29

Did I mention that only a mere half hour ago my little Tobey had the audacity to put his mouth on my cheddarwurst?!  He has never before attempted to do this.  I thought that he was a simple creature who, despite his complete lack of complexity, knew better than to eat my food, considering the fact that he is not even allowed next to us when Zach or I are eating.  Needless to say, he has been locked up ever since then, accompanied by a severe scolding, and followed-up with being completely ignored until I see fit to address the shameful creature once more.  He is still crying as though he forgot, almost instantaneously upon scolding, why he had been locked up in his very own dungeon.

1. I trust people more quickly than I used to, but at the back of my mind there is always the hope that my trust has not been misplaced. It's really sappy, but I dearly want to view the whole world as a beautiful place and to have utter faith in people and their intentions. So far, so good, but... *nagging fear out to play*

2. I always doubt myself, but secretly realize it doesn't matter all that much since people seem to have misplaced their faith and placed it in me and that has hardly changed throughout my life. However, sometimes I attempt to throw around the appearance of confidence because it tricks people into feeling at ease around me.

3. I'm torn between finally having the desire to add to my family and the desire to work hard and be the most physically fit version of me there's ever been. That just goes to prove that I really am a selfish person. I'm okay with the conflict. That proves it again.

4. I'm don't think I'm a natural nurturer like many of my female counterparts. I believe I would be okay with it if I worked for a living and Zach was a stay-at-home dad. My kids may never have the best baked goods or home cooked meals, or the cleanest living environment. They'll have cute clothes, because I'll learn to sew before I have any children. On the flip side, I wouldn't mind if HE worked for a living and I went out and did performances, took dance classes, and made floral arrangements and crafts all day.

5. I'm not so secretly jealous of and frustrated with people who can attempt anything and be fabulous at it instantaneously but choose to do nothing. I begrudgingly realize that I am happier when I achieve something with hard work, but I almost always wish at least SOMETHING felt like it came easily to me.

6. I hope that my future children (adopted, foster, extended, or biological, however it turns out) take after Zach with his ability to work both hard and excel in his studies. I also truly hope that as I'm teaching them the good habits that I should have that they don't find any of my old report cards. Except for the one from 5th grade where I nearly got all A's. I do not excel in college courses.

7. I've always had a weakness for bad/inappropriate music. I'm not much of a role model. So sue me. It's the small bit of edginess that I maintain. I try to be good. Sometimes. (As long as I don't pass this along to my faux child we'll be okay, right? X_x Yeah, I know... monkey see, monkey do, set a good example, etc., etc.)

8. I find that it is easier to make myself think I'm happy in life if I keep myself oblivious to the negative things that surround me. I realize this is false happiness, but sometimes I like being oblivious anyway. Sometimes I wish I could see myself how others see me, for better or for worse, but then I think that I probably don't really want to know.

9. I have an awful memory. Sometimes I wonder what I've really done in my life and how I met some of the people that I'm now friends with because I don't remember. My husband's lucky I actually remember how we met. Lame, right?

10. I need to learn to let go of my hang-ups in life. Otherwise I will never reach my true potential. Whatever that really means.

11. I wish I could inspire others instead of needing to be inspired, but that would require stepping out of my comfort zones, and I am NOT a risk-taker, no matter what people might thing about me.  I still desperately cling to the hope that my life makes a difference in the world around me.

12. I always want to be more than I am, but I don't know that I've ever been really willing to put in the effort. I try not to complain too much about things like that. People don't want to hear complaints about things nobody can or will change.

13. I think I have somewhat of an addictive personality. If I choose it I can listen to the same song 10 times in a row and not get sick of it. If I really want to learn something I'll do it over and over again until whoever's helping me learn gets sick of me. I sometimes make a meal that Zach's not in the mood for so I will happily eat it for every meal that I am home (and sometimes for lunches if I'm not too lazy to pack it) for several weeks.  I'm currently addicted to the song "A Drop In The Ocean" by Ron Pope because of an amazing dance I saw at the BYU Ballroom Concert a few weekends ago.

14. I once left spaghetti in a Tupperware container in the bathroom on a summer day. It was the last of the spaghetti and I really didn't want it to go to waste so I ate it when I got home from school. For anyone who knew me during my formative college years they know I usually left the house between 0600-0700 in the morning and didn't get home until 1900-2300. It was delicious, and I never became ill. I'm no longer as paranoid about germs and illness as I used to be.

15. As much as I complain about being short, I don't often REALLY wish I were taller. I've had many benefits throughout life because of my size, including but not limited to: Protective friends, not having to duck under tree branches, more allowances by others despite my eccentricities, being carried around when I'm tired or ill, and being able to save money by shopping in the children's section of various establishments. I wouldn't trade those things for a few more inches, especially now that I'm learning to use my sewing machine and will have the ability to make clothing that actually fits me top to bottom without altering things.

16. I wish that I were more quick-witted, but also more kind. I don't think the two always go together, though.

17.  I'm way too serious when I should be happy or playful and make jokes when matters are serious.  I'm sure this annoys and throws people off.  I probably should, but I don't actually plan on ever changing this personality feature.

18.  I want to learn to paint but I'm too much of a cheapskate to purchase the supplies to do so.

19.  I often become impatient people when I shouldn't, because I'm really very slow when it comes to getting things done.

20.  I am afraid of everything.  It's amazing I ever really accomplish anything in life.  Thank goodness for awesome friends who keep me moving!

21.  I'm kind of a massage whore.  Well, not really, but in my younger days I would definitely mooch massages from people.  Don't judge me, 'kay?  I just have a lot of muscular tension because I'm too uptight and I think self-massage is ridiculously ineffective at times.  That's definitely it.

22.  I don't know if I ever sufficiently repay the kindness of others.  The people in my life now and who have been in my life have been more than I deserve.  Thanks!  If you're reading this, it means you're one of those amazing people who's cared about me enough to touch my life (though maybe not via a massage ^_~)!

23.  Once someone has been in my life they are always a part of me.  Relationships change, and I may ask 20 times before I remember where someone works or how may siblings they have, but I never forget those who have changed me or helped me to grow.

24.  I love to dance in the rain, but Utah has pretty cold rain.  Also, I'm getting older and am now afraid of getting sick.  How silly.  Few things have the power to inspire or cause fear than a good storm.

25.  I have an obnoxious sneeze.  I like it when people have cute sneezes.  However, when I've tried to sneeze less dreadfully it just hurts, so I don't care about trying to subdue my sneezes anymore.  Isn't it amazing that I care about something so trivial but am too lazy to REALLY give my work desk a good cleaning?

26.  I feel guilty when I throw away the paper sacks you food comes in when you go to a fast food restaurant.

27.  One of my favorite things is when we have coloring contests at work and I get to give out candy.  I like making small things happy.  I mean, making cute little children happy.

28.  I am overly sentimental and I cry far too often than is seemly for a non-pregnant adult female.

29.  I'm always a bit surprised when I say something Khreepy and someone is shocked by it.  Khreepy Khristine, remember?  How long have some of you people known me?  ^_~

The End.

In an effort to boost my creativity I decided I needed to remember WHY it is that I create. It's difficult for me to find inspiration when I don't even remember why I'm looking for it.

So why do I write? In the past it has been to find a way to connect with others and to understand the world around me. I think that now it is also a way to understand myself and connect to the the world around world around me, rather than simply understand it. Words are a way for me to think through things acend to find passion in life.

Why do I dance? When I dance it's creating somet.hing out of nothing. You don't need paper, you don't need a pen. You don't even need a written or spoken language. Music is nice, but not required. All you really need to dance, on the most basic level, is you and how you feel.

Why create at all? Well, everyone wants to leave their mark on the world even if it seems insignificant. I'm no different. Creating validates our lives and draws us closer to God. Without the ability to create we also lack the opportunity to make the world our own and to see the actualization of our passions, our hopes, and our dreams. It gives purpose to learning and to going about our daily lives. It is a way to become more perfect.

I've been trying hard to utilize, enjoy, and expand upon my creative outlets. I made my first skirt yesterday and have jotted down a few blips of poetry. I have one final this semester and it is comprised of dancing the rumba. How fun is that? It's taken me the whole semester, but I'm finally relaxed and having fun! I have one paper to write. It will be a short paper on the dance concert I watched for class. I will enjoy analyzing the performances and putting my thoughts into words. I will have the chance to write and know there is someone listening.

After years of being a far better singer than I was a dancer, I think I'm losing it.  My ability with words seems to be just within my grasp sometimes, but usually I'm reaching out toward a black hole of creativity:  Things appear before me and then get sucked from my mind, never to be seen again.  The days of singing life away and an easy and effortless flow of thoughts and words have ceased--the well has run dry.  Time to start digging, I guess.  :)  On the other side of the scale, I have movement.  I'm not as hyper as I once was, but the more I dance and work out the more all I want is to be outdoors, on stage, or just... on the go!  I love to feel energized, and sitting still makes me crazy!  I still want my words back, though.  I miss communicating through words and poetry.  But hey, I'm learning to sew... so that's something, I think.  :)

I want to dance in the Rain,

Those who've known me for any period of time know that I am quite susceptible to cabin fever.  If I were a character in a Greek Tragedy this would probably be one of my tragic flaws.  That and gluttony, probably.  Well here it is again, that time where I'm fighting the urge to give in and become completely devoured by my cabin fever.  I want to run, sing, and play!  I want to go to the beach, and dance all day!  GRRRR!  But the office is good, too... except for the fact that I'm alone in the office for a little while and the computer keeps telling me my sanity makers (pandora and playlist.com) are not being secure sites and require authentication.  NNnnnooooo!  Well, there's always YouTube, which helps me find things like this: