Falling Stars

INTRODUCTION
With this blog I hope to have many insights into my soul. I want to think, to teach my head and my heart to work together. I would like to build memories. I don't want to forget the feelings I have had in my life, good or bad, or the things that have happened. I don't want my life to be like the childhood I had--Forgotten. I want to make my life something WORTH remembering. This is not to say that I want to be famous or that I want to be something so big that other's can't help but see it (like Hitler, or the President of the United States, or China, or Japan and it's Technological Advancements), but I want to live worthy of being rememberd well. I want to have experiences that are unique, or the same as others but executed to the best of my abilities. I crave sensations, emotions, passions, joy, infathomable love, and eternity, and to be somebody else's cause for emotion, passion, sensations, joys, infathomable love, and eternity. I want to make a difference in the world that I'm in at the level which I'm at. I do want to improve myself and be the best that I can be, but I also want to remember to utilize the resources which I have. I hope that this blog will help me to explore my heart and soul, and to better understand who I am and who I can be...for what am I without those things..?

**I'm at work right now, and probably should not be writing some long blog at work. Therefore, this will not become a habit, but I feel that when a person has a thought then they should write it down, or at least make a note, process through it, and develop it.. Otherwise it is not worth wasting one's time on the thought in the first place.

MY FIRST ENTRY
I was sitting around thinking, for some reason, about having a Broken Heart (In the Romantic sense). In so many of those forward quizzes the questions is asked, "Ever had a broken heart?". My automatic thought is that everyone's had a broken heart, but I don't feel like I have. I suppose it's because I have so many wonderful memories of the men that have been in my life that all of the bad memories just melt away... If I think back very hard I can honestly say that I have had a SORE heart (like the kind of sore that comes from working out too hard, but is not a BAD sore; the kind that means you are going to heal back even stronger than you were before), but it has never been broken. I am not one to be broken.

I think I'm like that in general. I have had weak points in my life and those I have loved in my life have been privy to many of those experiences in my life which have been damaging, but have I really broken? I've appeared broken, I know... but I feel like I have seen so many broken hearts and broken people in my life that I feel I can hardly call myself broken, or say that I have been so, no matter how badly things may have seemed or felt at the time... Like teenage angst vs. suicide. Many teenagers (though not all) tend to seem as though they have some sort of increased 'angst' or something to that nature. They are more dramatic, are depressed, or they think that the world revolves around them, or they don't fit in or belong.... Not all of these necessarily apply, nor does this mean that other descriptions do not apply which I have not mentioned... but there is often something. I could have taken what happened and became who I am today--let it make me better, or it could let it change me in some way, ANY way--or I could let it break me. Breaking doesn't need to mean suicide, but to me it means a breakdown or irreparable damage to something...Or maybe it can even be fixed, but it will never be the same again. I don't necessarily think that change means that you have been broken. Change is natural. A broken heart doesn't need to be. Why do we, why do I, tend to think that things breaking is something that is automatically going to be a part of life? The me that is writing this now feels that being broken doesn't need to be part of life. Change is necessary, love, heartache tend to be a part of life... but being broken? I am so greatful to those in my life who have allowed me to come to my own personal conclusion that I don't need to be broken to Love, to move on, to grow, and to care. Broken is NOT to the Heart as Light is to the Sun.

I want to make sure that I help others by being the person in their life that helps them to be steady. More like the glue that was used to make your mother's the lamp rather than the glue that was used afterwards because you threw a baseball into it. If another person has been broken in the past I am more than happy to be the glue that puts them back together, but I'd just as soon not be the one who breaks them in the first place. I hope that I have not been the one to break another's heart... But one of the things I have never been good at it the past is gauging breaking points. I feel like I've loved others but not always good enough. The only regrets I have in life are hurting those that I have and do love. Any other mistakes are secondary and help you grow... but if you don't know you're making a mistake or doing something wrong close to the event which was occurring improperly, it doesn't help that moment much, does it? You can't always undo what you have done to other people, but you can change what you do to others in the present and the future, and you can change what you do to yourself.

This brings me to the end of my babblings for my first official Non-networking site blog. Pretty ambitious, I suppose... but I don't expect it to make a lot of sense to others, especially those who have a different viewpoint on life than I do, and I don't expect myself to agree with it in the future. I'm all for changing viewpoints if new evidence presents itself, but I hope that this viewpoint sticks around with me for the long haul. I like to think that life does not require a broken heart, but that the way I think and feel is navigated, guided, and guarded well by the best person to navigate my heart and soul: Myself, and my Father in Heaven. I also like to think that my Husband can help me along pretty well, but in the end it is always my decision to make--whether or not I break.