There's probably something to be said for not looking back. I'm one of those people who finds it easy to dwell on the past and I'm constantly reminding myself that it's over and done with. There is nothing wrong with having a little self-reflection, but come on, do I really need to be afraid or feel guilty about everything? For example, I shouldn't feel the need to worry about the 5 out of 11 couples that we didn't interview for the Community Aide position in my housing complex. They didn't stand out and it's not my fault. We simply don't have time to interview 11 couples, though they may be good, capable people. Part of standing out is knowing how to present yourself. If you can't sell yourself on paper then you may not be as well-rounded as the next candidate who can sell on paper as well as in person. I shouldn't worry about the imperfect things I've done in the past, the people that I may have wronged or offended, and other things I can't fix (face it, My Name is not Earl). I begin wallowing in my imperfections and dwelling on the things I lack, then I get depressed, then I continue to screw up and do more imperfect things--the vicious cycle continues.
I'm at a point in my life where I need to move on. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm not showing any improvement to my personality. I think too much about what is wrong with me and not about what is or could be right with me. It's time to just start doing. I'm sure I say this all the time, but I'm one of those people who needs to re-commit myself to my causes rather frequently. If I don't I just can't keep up with who I need to be. Even then I struggle, but I'll keep telling myself as many times as I need to--get up and do what you need to! A lot of people have problems with being impulsive. As a teenager I'm sure I did things that were impulsive, most of us were probably that way at one point or another... but I was committed to even those endeavors which I made last minute, passionate decisions regarding. I did very little haphazardly, not expecting it to affect the rest of my month, my year, my life... Now I just don't move! I do too much thinking, far more than I use to, and it hasn't benefited me at all!!! "Make wise decisions," "Don't be Sorry, be Responsible," and "Be careful what you wish for..." These are phrases that we hear all the time and I can't somehow wonder if they really aren't meant for me. The more I try to make wise, thorough decisions the less I become, the less I move. What would have happened if I'd believed I could be an opera singer or a ballerina when I was younger and didn't care if I would make money at it? What would have happened if I'd believed in myself instead of wondering what I could do within the parameters that the world and my family had set for me? Nobody will ever know, but if I don't stop thinking about the past and worrying less about the future I might still have a chance to find out. It's time to embrace who I am and start living more in the here and now!
I guess this means I'll be taking some risks from here on out. I mean, if Zach & I want to have a family anytime soon I've got to stop being afraid. If I want to perform I've got to start working hard now and forget my age, forget my failures, move beyond my inabilities, and put myself out there. If I want to be better at my job and have the potential to move up and on then I've got to get my silly desk cleaned off right now! If I want my home to be a safe haven for myself and others I've got to.. well, hire a maid, I guess ^_~! Hey, we've all got to start somewhere.
Today's goal: Clear off the top of my desk! This includes: Census/Walk-through compilation and recording, Final review of CA Weekly Reports, Newsletter, and Filing those Timecard sheets. Guess what?! It's doable! Consider my task complete.
0 comments:
Post a Comment